"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." --Barack Obama
Wow, this year has been one heck of a wild ride.
The amount of personal growth I've experienced in the last twelve months has been so exponential, it's been mind-blowing.
This time last year, I wasn't working due to a back injury and I was mostly laying around feeling sorry for myself.
For my birthday last year, I did the same thing I have done every year for 35 years: I sat around and wished someone I loved would do something spectacular to demonstrate how much they loved me.
For the first time--ever--I took my own birthday in hand and decided how I would celebrate my own life.
Rather than wishing and hoping someone else would celebrate me, I decided to celebrate me. I thought about what would make me happy, what would be a pleasurable way to celebrate 35 years of life, and I planned it out.
So tomorrow, I leave for a 3 day road-trip with my best friend. We're going to Austin, where I most recently moved from and we're going to generally have fun and visit some of my old friends. People I miss, people I love.
Because that has been the theme to the last twelve months:
Identifying what I want and need and getting it for myself.
I took my first trip to Europe this year, spending half of the time travelling by myself, seeing or not seeing sights as it pleased me. And before I left for this trip, I had already started hatching plans for future trips, not just to Europe, but to other places I want to go as well.
I decided multiple times this year that if no one was available to do with me what I wanted to do this was perfectly okay. I spent lots of time by myself, doing things that made me happy.
I took myself out to many dinners, trying all the restaurants I wanted to try and seeing all the movies I wanted to see. Instead of buying people in to do things with me (which I still did if I thought they'd truly enjoy it and I wanted to see them enjoy it), I simply went and did them, reveling in the moments of self-joy.
I've spent the last twelve months getting to know myself. Identifying ways I was being that didn't work for me and changing them.
Truly, for the first time in awhile, I took my own life in hand and began sculpting it exactly as I wanted.
When I hit major depression, I recognized it for what it was and went through a medical inventory, soon discovering I was empty on an essential hormone.
When other's needs conflicted with my own, I sometimes said, "I'm sorry, I need to do me, you do you. Once I'm done with me, if you still need help, I'll be glad to help you, but I've got to get me first."
I showed my adult children how powerfully they could take their own lives and selves into their hands. I showed myself that despite my lifelong belief to the contrary, I am a lovable and worthy person.
It's as my now 18 year old son says, "You are what you think you are."
Most importantly, this year, I decided I am the most important person in my world.
My son told me the other night he's been watching me try to find myself for the last few years. The next day I realized,
I FOUND ME
And damn, I like who I am!
Here's to 35 and all the rest of the years, I'm excited to see what else I become. <3