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Thursday, August 21, 2014

Turning 35

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." --Barack Obama

Wow, this year has been one heck of a wild ride.

The amount of personal growth I've experienced in the last twelve months has been so exponential, it's been mind-blowing.

This time last year, I wasn't working due to a back injury and I was mostly laying around feeling sorry for myself.

For my birthday last year, I did the same thing I have done every year for 35 years: I sat around and wished someone I loved would do something spectacular to demonstrate how much they loved me.

This year?

For the first time--ever--I took my own birthday in hand and decided how I would celebrate my own life.

Rather than wishing and hoping someone else would celebrate me, I decided to celebrate me. I thought about what would make me happy, what would be a pleasurable way to celebrate 35 years of life, and I planned it out.

So tomorrow, I leave for a 3 day road-trip with my best friend. We're going to Austin, where I most recently moved from and we're going to generally have fun and visit some of my old friends. People I miss, people I love.

Because that has been the theme to the last twelve months:

Identifying what I want and need and getting it for myself.

I took my first trip to Europe this year, spending half of the time travelling by myself, seeing or not seeing sights as it pleased me. And before I left for this trip, I had already started hatching plans for future trips, not just to Europe, but to other places I want to go as well.

I decided multiple times this year that if no one was available to do with me what I wanted to do this was perfectly okay. I spent lots of time by myself, doing things that made me happy.

I took myself out to many dinners, trying all the restaurants I wanted to try and seeing all the movies I wanted to see. Instead of buying people in to do things with me (which I still did if I thought they'd truly enjoy it and I wanted to see them enjoy it), I simply went and did them, reveling in the moments of self-joy.

I've spent the last twelve months getting to know myself. Identifying ways I was being that didn't work for me and changing them.

Truly, for the first time in awhile, I took my own life in hand and began sculpting it exactly as I wanted.

When I hit major depression, I recognized it for what it was and went through a medical inventory, soon discovering I was empty on an essential hormone.

When other's needs conflicted with my own, I sometimes said, "I'm sorry, I need to do me, you do you. Once I'm done with me, if you still need help, I'll be glad to help you, but I've got to get me first."

I showed my adult children how powerfully they could take their own lives and selves into their hands. I showed myself that despite my lifelong belief to the contrary, I am a lovable and worthy person.

It's as my now 18 year old son says, "You are what you think you are."

Most importantly, this year, I decided I am the most important person in my world.

My son told me the other night he's been watching me try to find myself for the last few years. The next day I realized,


And damn, I like who I am!

Here's to 35 and all the rest of the years, I'm excited to see what else I become. <3

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